The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .

However when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in city areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, Bonuses worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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