The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in urban locations, navigate here sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay males want to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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